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Improve Your Listening Immediately!
by Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP

We are good at talking, but we have trouble listening. One sage said, "The only reason we listen is because we know we get to talk next." Here are some tips that can change your listening behavior now.

Names! First, repeat a person's name when you first meet him or her. This will make you listen first and talk second. You want to have a mental set to become a better listener, and repeating a person's name will help you do that. Don't hesitate to ask a person to repeat the name the second time, especially if the name is unusual. You are showing concern for the other person, which is an important aspect of listening. Use the person's name in your response. "Is this your first time here, Suzanne?"

Ask a question! Second, when you are anticipating making a comment on what a person has said, ask a question instead. This will keep you listening longer, and often the added information will help you make a higher quality contribution to the conversation. Get information before you give information.

Pause! Third, don't rush to answer the phone when it rings. Pause a moment so that you can be mentally ready to listen to the person calling you rather than thinking about what you were doing when the phone rang. Taking these few extra seconds to think will make you a better listener from the beginning of the phone conversation. In addition, listen as though you are going to report the message to someone else. This keeps you focused on the main reason or idea of the call.

Streamline! Fourth, eliminate clutter around the phone and your desk so you won't easily be distracted when you are talking by phone or have a person talking to you in your office. Notes, pens, folders, clocks, and knickknacks can distract you, and you may not even be aware of the distraction until you realize you have no idea what the person just said.

Choose your time! Fifth, when possible choose your listening time during the part of the day when you are mentally alert. If you are a morning person make your most
important appointments, interviews, or phone calls during that time. If mornings are difficult for you, make afternoon calls. You lose listening acumen when you are tired physically or mentally.

Admit! Finally, don't be afraid to admit that you're having a hard time listening and make necessary adjustments. You might say, "I'm sorry I missed that last point. Please repeat that for me." Or "I'm having a hard time concentrating; let me move to another chair." Or "Could we pick up the conversation at a later time this afternoon? I need a break and some lunch." Any of these responses will tell people that you want to listen to their messages, and that what they have to say is important to you.

Some listening skills, such as suspending judgment, dealing with biases, and avoiding daydreaming, take time to develop
because of the mental self-discipline they require. Following these tips, however, will improve your listening immediately.

Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is a professor of speech communication at Northern Kentucky University in Highland Heights, Kentucky. He is also a trainer in communication
who presents more than 60 seminars and workshops a year to
corporations and associations. See additional articles and resources at http://www.sboyd.com. He can be reached at
800-727-6520 or at info@sboyd.com.

Three steps you need to know to improve your learning and have better grades.

by Emmanuel SEGUI

© 2004 Emmanuel SEGUI - All rights reserved
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"I'm a failure" "I'll never make it."
That's the kind of affirmation we hear people say. To overcome this feeling of worthlessness you need to make 3 little steps that will help you discover the genius within
you.

1. You need to motivate yourself.

First of all, remember that great people learned a basic and
essential quality you need to acquire: persistence. Very
successful people failed many times, like most of us. But
they get up right away and they begin again and again until
they eventually succeed.

We can motivate ourselves by seeing the result in our mind
as if it has already occurred. Feel what you would feel if you have better grades. Name this feeling.
Amplify this feeling until it becomes very pleasant. Now,
you are going to add some new feelings upon this first feeling. Do you remember a time when you were really excited about something? When you have this excitement in you, add it to the first very pleasant feeling as if you put a coat of excitement over the coat of 'very pleasant state'. Let this feeling of excitement diffuse in you and notice how you feel.

Notice how feel very motivated, calm and confident. And for a moment, you know that you will succeed in school. But something holds you back. You need to make
this second step....

2. You need to get rid of the beliefs that hold you back

Consider the law of belief: whatever you believe becomes
your reality. Once you understand and appropriate this belief in yourself, you discover that you can do many things and especially have better grades.

Throughout your life you learn. It's a never-ending process. School is just the beginning of this process with its special rules and rewards, which can sometimes seem unfair.

You begin to change by being aware that you are a potential
genius and that you CAN do better and you WILL. What do you learn from having bad grades? Consider that it is an opportunity to learn. And most important, it's a chance to learn that you're not the problem; it's only your strategies. That's why you need to take the last lesson...
You need to learn how to learn

3. You need new strategies.

If something doesn't work, do something else. First, be aware of your learning style. Are you visual, auditory, kinesthetic? Remember that you have multiple intelligences and when you use them as much as possible you increase your chances of having better results.

Have the end in mind. Act as if you already had the solution. Now you only need to fill in the blanks. If you already know where to go, your brain will help you find the solutions. Use mind maps, movement and imagination. Learning how to learn is a necessity for children and adults
to perform better in life.

These three steps are important to succeed in school. One step takes care of your beliefs, another of your emotions and the other one of your strategies to have better grades and to perform better in life.

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Emmanuel SEGUI
Author of "Moving from Vision to Action"

STOP having average grades and discover how you can empower your learning and your life through NLP
Click => http://www.nlp-and-learning-review.com/

He (or she) is angry. Someone might have bullied him in the past.

He has a low self-esteem. He thinks controlling you will help him feel better about himself.

He might have been exposed to a lot of violence in the media. (TV, books...) A lot of movies make violence look cool. But if you look closer, the "good guy" is always cooler!

His (or her) friends, or peers, could be a "bad" influence, talking him into doing things he may, or may not, understand are wrong.

His caretakers might have lacked in supervision. They might have been too busy to teach him how wrong it is to hurt others. Or maybe they spoiled him, making him think he can do anything he wants, including bullying!

WHAT TO DO ABOUT BULLIES:

Inform your teachers & parents. If his bullying is physical or violent, tell them not to give your name. That could make the bully more angry, and then he'll come after you harder.

Travel to school or social events in groups. Don't walk alone.

Avoid the bully at all costs.

Ignore him. That will take away his power he "thinks" he has over you. He'll get bored, and go look for someone else to pick on.

Confront him with the problem. Do this only if the bullying is mental, not physical. Maybe you can explain how it makes you feel. If he doesn't care, and continues to bully you, report him, and avoid him.

Take a safety training workshop. This should only be used as a last resort (in self defense). Using this to show off for your friends, or simply because someone made you angry, could lead to law suits, and YOU becoming a bully!

CLICK PIC TO ORDER

I hope this information helps you. If you have any questions, you can write to me at: kthynoll@aol.com or visit Kathy's home page at http://hometown.aol.com/kthynoll

Eight Ways to Be a Better Friend
by Susie Michelle Cortright

Being a good friend is a skill we can learn and
improve upon. Here, eight ways to be a better friend.

Number One: Like yourself
The first step in having a good relationship with a
friend is to have a good relationship with yourself.
When we genuinely like ourselves, we become more
attractive to other people. We have more to offer
others because we are not constantly focused on
our own image and reputation.

We become better friends because we don't cling.
We are secure enough to spend time with a friend
because we want to, not because we need to.

Number Two: Choose wisely
Relationships among true friends take a steady dose
of time and energy--two resources in limited supply
for all of us. Identify the friends with whom you
wish to create a closer bond. It's perfectly okay
if not all of your acquaintances make the list.
The closeness of your connections is far more
important than the length of your guest lists.

Number Three: Make the time
Friends are important in many ways--so much so
that these relationships often take on a life
of their own. You owe it to yourself (and to your
friends) to make these relationships a priority.
Carve out some quality time for one another.

Number Four: Make the first move
If you want to improve your relationships,
put your fear of rejection aside and start taking
more risks. Invite your friends to lunch. Organize
a new playgroup. Invite them over for dinner.

Too often, we fail to follow up with our friends.
Don't miss out-just make the first phone call.
Your friends are just as anxious to get together
as you are.

Number Five: The Golden Rule
Treat your friends as you wish to be treated.
Stated another way: "To have a friend, be a friend."

Focus more on being interested than on being
interesting. Be enthusiastic and energetic.
Avoid complaining, gossiping, and criticizing.

Number Six: Sweat the Small Stuff
Make your friends feel significant by remembering
small kindnesses. Notice her new haircut. Remember
to ask about her mother-in-law's surgery. Send
flowers or a simple email when you know she needs
it most.

Number Seven: Listen
Good listeners are hard to find, and honing your
skills can be a long-term project.

A few tips:
-Slow down. Try not to finish your friend's sentences.
If you catch yourself planning your response while
your friend is still talking, gently remind yourself
to focus on the speaker.

-Show her you are listening. Maintain eye contact.
Offer nods and murmurs that indicate you understand
her point of view.

-Minimize distractions.

-Ask questions.

-Be careful with advice. Assume your friend wants
to vent her frustrations, not ask you for a
plan of action.

Number Eight: Be loyal
We all need someone in our corner. If your friend
isn't there to defend herself against gossip or
criticism, speak up, and know she would do the same
for you.

About the author:
Susie Cortright is the founder of two "just for you" websites:
Momscape.com - http://www.momscape.com and BestSelfHelp.com -
http://www.bestselfhelp.com . Both websites feature
fr'ee weekly newsletters.

Susie also publishes a weekly scrapbooking newsletter,
featuring cutting-edge techniques for preserving your
precious memories.
You can subscribe here: http://www.momscape.com/scrapbooking